Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Now this is a hard one. There are a lot of things I have not done right and a lot I could have done different.  But, the one thing I need to forgive myself for is being a working mother.  My son is perfect in my eyes however I know he misses me and the fact that I cant be with him as much as the other moms can.  I cant be the one who picks him up for school or comes on school field trips. This is really hard on me.  The first few years of his life I was in emotional turmoil.  All I wanted was to be a family with a husband and a house however his plan was different.  I spent a lot of nights chasing after him, crying myself to sleep yet not really thinking of how this would affect my son.  Caden was always a good baby.  But, he had this habit of hitting himself in the face.  Its so hard on me now looking back at this because even at such a young age he saw my hurt and pain and was taking this out on himself because he too felt it.  I wish I would have spent more time laughing and enjoying him then worrying about the future.  Sure, it seems easy to most  but, its hard on me to think that I wasnt the best Mom that I could have been back then.  But, it is something I need to forgive myself for because Caden is a happy, well adjusted child.  He loves me and thinks im the best mommy in the world.  I do my best at the time i spend with him to make the most out of it.  I may spoil him too much or let him stay up too late but that doesnt mean that Im a bad mom...it just means I am making up for the lost  time I spend in traffic or working.  So that it may take some time but, I need to forgive myself and focus on the future with my son and molding him into the man he will become in the blink of my eyes.