Always Wishing & Waiting

So i have been trying to blog for the past lets say 6 months.  I always try to write and nothng ever comes to mind.  I dont really have much going on in my life to write about or much on my mind but, I do today.  I want a baby.  I dont just want a baby right now...Im obsessed with having a baby.  Its not just me thinking about it, dreaming about it, seeing our family complete with one.  I am surrounded by it.  I am left out of events because Im not in the "loop" with all the new babies around. I dont sleep because of it and when I turn on the TV its nothing but babies babies babies.  I told CJ the other night "this cannot be real?" We watched back to back commercials on babies.  If its not baby shampoo, its baby toys..if its not baby toys..its baby life insurance or saving your cord blood or whatever, and its not even TLC.  What makes me more upset is when I watch people like "Janelle" on Teen Mom who has an adorable little boy and all she cares about is that boyfriend of hers that is in jail.  I am happy for all my friends who are having babies but, it makes my heart ache more because I want one too.  I want to have a playmate for Caden...I want to experience a pregnancy with my husband.  I know people say "well at least you have one" well i'm sorry just because I have one child doesnt mean that my womb does not ache for another.  Every single time I'm late on my period I hope.  Every single time I feel nauceous I hope.  When we look for houses I picture 4 bedrooms because we need one for a nursery, or a princess castle, or a little dragons lair...whatever it may be they also need a playroom, which makes it four.  I love Caden and I am happy that God blessed me with such a wonderful giving amazing child.  But, I cant help but think I am hurting him by not giving him a sibiling to love.  Someday hopefully soon God will bless us with a baby.  Cj & I talk about our baby "girl (name is not given away due to non popular demand of baby names and I dont want it stolen") but we talk about her all the time...Caden does too however he asks me last night "what if we have a boy" ...I thought about it for a minute and I said then I will be out numbered but...(he finishes my sentence and says but, you will have a huge army of protectors) that is right.  Boy or girl I will be happy if I have a heathly baby to add to our family.  To those of you that are bothered by my rambles or the fact that I do not spell check then oh well.  I dont like to re read my blogs because then I go 9 months without writing while second guessing myself.  At least this way I can get out my feelings.
Until next time...